Stepping off the Ledge

In a quiet whisper that's dripping with hope she says, "Be all in with me." Her voice is barely audible to anyone but herself and the magic that lives in the stars. It's a request, an invitation, beckoning someone or something to step off the ledge with her. She can't be certain what the future holds, and all that's left is possibility. And so, her whispers fade in to the quiet of the night and she recognizes that she's being given a chance to make the choice again. She will need to choose between retreating and stepping back into safety, or stepping off the ledge into the unknown carrying only the hope that whatever is in front of her has to be greater than what she's left behind. To the woman I have not yet become, and the girl I once was: take the damn leap. Every single time…take the leap.

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Tonight I came to understand some things I'd perhaps been ignoring. With the not-so-gentle nudging of someone I trust deeply who said, "I just wanted you to say it. You almost said it… you were so close, but I wanted you to just fucking say it." I've been standing at the ledge, peering over and fighting with myself about whether I'd step back or take the leap. It's time to take the leap, and say the things. I am here because I choose to be, always. And I am stepping off another ledge. My words. My story. My truth. My voice. I am on a journey of living a life of intentional and unapologetic freedom, with maybe a little bit of "fuck you" along the way. I am a constant work in progress and hope I never stop learning. I have been at war with my body for as long as I can remember, and I am learning how to raise the white flag. I created a belief that being a "good girl" meant I didn't need anyone, and I am learning how to be open to receiving. I am a woman who lost her mother at a young age and still needs mothering. I am a survivor of sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse. I chose to believe something more than the stories the church told me. I chose to end my marriage and burn down my white picket fence. I learned that I wasn't loveable, and am learning how to be open to being loved. I believed that it was safest to hide parts of myself, and I am learning that freedom and that kind of safety cannot coexist.

I chose to hide, and am learning to allow myself to be seen. I stayed small, and am learning how to take up space. I stayed quiet, and am learning how to use my voice. Because I am also somehow filled with courage, and bravery, and tenacity, and strength.

At times I am clouded by doubt, and still hold the unapologetic and intentional belief that I am worthy.

I am worthy of taking up space.

I am worthy of all of my dreams, all of my wants, and everything I desire.

My words are worthy of being written.

My truth is worthy of speaking.

My voice is worthy of being heard.

So, be all in with me. It's a request, an invitation, and a beckoning to step off the ledge with me. We are worthy of taking up space. We are worthy of all of the dreams, and all of the wants, and everything we desire. Our words are worthy of being written. Our truths are worthy of speaking. Our voices are worthy of being heard.